


The Middle

by MeredithBrody



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-28
Updated: 2013-06-28
Packaged: 2017-12-16 10:46:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/861214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeredithBrody/pseuds/MeredithBrody
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hoshi considers her position on Enterprise, worrying that she's still not settled in, just got better at hiding it</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Middle

_**Hey, don't write yourself off yet** _   
_**It's only in your head you feel left out** _   
_**Or looked down on** _   
_**Just do your best, do everything you can** _   
_**And don't you worry what their bitter hearts** _   
_**Are gonna say** _

Hoshi Sato was used to feeling as though she was alone. Not because she was, but because she internalised too much, she worried too much. She didn't always put herself out with the crew because she was too afraid that she'd mess up, or that she wasn't good enough for the rest. Especially among the senior staff. They all relished every moment of being out here, not her though. She would some days rather be back in Brazil than be out here. She was safe in Brazil.

She'd always written herself off, never really believing in herself. She needed to change that. She'd been aboard Enterprise for a year now, and she had made friends, learnt to hide her terror better. But that was the problem, she was still terrified. A hiccup in the engines, a hail from a new species. The latter she simultaneously looked forward too and dreaded. There was always the chance that she would get a translation wrong and cause an incident.

There hadn't been one that was her fault yet. In fact she sometimes felt like she didn't need to worry, she knew she had the skills for the job she had taken on here. She felt like she didn't have anyone to talk too. Sure, she could go to Chef or Phlox, but while they would listen, and always give her great advice, it wasn't someone else who was out there.

She still wasn't sure who she could talk too, and she wondered if anyone would understand even if she did speak to them. T'Pol was out of the question, and she had bothered the Captain enough. She was sure that anyone else on the ship would happily talk to her, but she still wasn't sure who to approach. All she wanted was to get it off her chest and know that whoever she spoke too wouldn't just coddle her, act as though she was being ridiculous.

Her mind was made up a moment later when Commander Tucker sat at the small table in the corner of the mess where she'd been thinking and studied her over the top of his meal. She wondered what he saw when he looked at her. Did he see the scared little girl she felt she was, or did she at least look more collected than she felt.

"Are you actually eating ensign? Or just sitting here?" The question took her aback, and she wasn't sure how to answer. An hour earlier she had eaten. Since then she'd been nursing an empty cup of coffee and staring off into space.

"I guess now I'm just sitting here, I was thinking." She said, leaving it open for if he wanted to ask or not. She didn't want to just unload on anyone, but if Trip was willing to listen, that would be better for her. At least she'd know he was willing to listen.

"About?" He asked, and she took a breath. Wanting to think about how she said what she was thinking, how it sounded like she wasn't appreciative of the opportunities that she'd been given. There were plenty of other linguists and comm officers in Starfleet who could have taken this position. Commander Hernandez on _Republic_ , Lieutenant Jackson on _France_. There were people who could have taken this spot, but the Captain had shown faith in her to pick her to do it. That didn't mean she was suited for it.

"What I'm doing out here, I still feel like I should go back to Brazil next time we're recalled. I'm not cut out for this."

"I think you're great at this, all of it. I'm pretty sure the Captain would stop you going if you tried." Trip stated the obvious, she knew that if she did try to leave she'd face a fight from the captain, and considering that he had managed to talk her into coming anyway she was certain that he would succeed in talking her out of it.

"You're probably right, but he doesn't see the way I jump whenever something happens, whenever the routine is broken. This entire crew looks forward to first contacts, everyone but me. I'm happy to learn the language, but everything else." She trailed off, shaking her head as Trip reached out and put his hand over hers.

"Honestly Hoshi, I jump too. I always have. I think everyone on the ship does. The difference is, you accept that you're scared, and maybe that makes you more self-aware than the rest of us. I can only speak for myself, but I think it would be a damn shame if you left, and I don't think I'd be the only one." Trip smiled again, and she felt a little better, knowing that he was still jumpy too. Especially considering he'd been in Starfleet at least a decade longer than she had. "It takes time, Hoshi. You will get better at it, and things will become routine. Even things that aren't routine. Does that make sense?"

"No, but I understand you, I think." She had to laugh, and she realised that he'd made her feel better without dismissing her fears. She smiled at him and nodded. "Thanks, commander. I feel better."

"Good. The Captain would kill me if I didn't talk you out of leaving." He teased as she stood up, her fears allayed she could hopefully try and get some sleep. "Goodnight Hoshi." Trip smiled when he looked up and her, and all she could think to do was nod, anything else would have led to her spreading word vomit all over the mess hall as her brain started to shut down from exhaustion. She squeezed his shoulder as she passed him, hoping he understood. She could thank him again in the morning, after she'd had some sleep.

_**It just takes some time** _   
_**Little girl you're in the middle of the ride** _   
_**Everything, everything will be just fine** _   
_**Everything, everything will be alright, alright** _


End file.
